Florals & Feels: Reframing Expectations
I am a planner. I like checklists, agendas and timelines. I relish the sense of security and control that they offer me. In my previous career, we would proudly quote Ben Franklin because “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.” While this may hold true for big projects and changes, the mantra has found its way into my everyday life.
Like many people, “back to school” looks a lot different than we planned. Goodness - 2020 has looked a lot different that we could have even imagined! Masks, social distancing and virtual learning are now a part of our new normal. The objectives, goals and plans we created in January have been shelved. And if you are like me, you can feel the anxiety brewing. The fear of the unknown gives way to the the feelings of not enough - not enough time, not enough resources, and ultimately worry. When my mind wants to create expectations around a circumstance that is out of my control, my list of “shoulds” grows.
Some of them are self-imposed: I should…clean every inch of my home. I should…put on “normal” clothes each day. I should…spend every moment creating memories with my kids.
Some of them are social norms: I should wear these clothes. I should own these items. I should act like this. I should dress like them. I should…make more, do more, give more.
It wasn't until my therapist reminded me - We are in a pandemic. This is not business as usual. Life is hard. I started to offer myself grace to show up in whatever capacity that I can. Lately, I have been reminded of the words my friend Tiffany Jewell shared, “Shift out of Shoulds”. When the list of expectations grows, take a mental step back by asking:
What is necessary in this moment?
What can wait?
What do I have the physical, mental or emotional capacity for in this moment?
There is frustration and anxiety when we focus on comparing ourselves to the expectations. There is freedom in having compassion for the present moment.
As I work to show myself grace in these moments, I am also demonstrating for my loved ones that there is grace for them as well.
Be gentle with yourself and remember to “shift out of should”.